


sun and moon

by titaniaeli



Category: Sense8 (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Canon Relationships, Developing Relationship, Discrimination against Mental Disorders, Drabble Sequence, F/F, F/M, Gen, Greysexual Mun, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Protective Cluster (Sense8), Supportive Cluster, exploring mun's backstory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-03-29 10:07:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19017730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/titaniaeli/pseuds/titaniaeli
Summary: Sun Bak wasn’t quite sure if she was ready for a relationship after everything that had happened in her life. Her cluster, and a certain stubborn detective convinced her otherwise.She soon realised that perhaps it’s not her who was afraid. They spent so long chasing and running from each other that when they finally stopped, they realised that they were barely more than strangers. With the encouragement of her newfound family, Sun wanted to fix that; strangely, it was Kwon Ho who has a problem with that.





	1. Chapter 1

“I might be difficult.” Sun had confessed a week ago, back when they were still in Paris, entwined together in bed the morning after the wedding. 

He didn’t need her to elaborate to understand what she was trying to say.

He knew that feeling of not being enough for anyone.

“I think you’re just fine.” He smiled cheekily, rolling over to peer at her under his lashes.

She was unashamedly naked, the blanket scrunched around her waist. She looked almost ethereal as the morning sunlight bathed her silhouette against his drowsy gaze. She tapped her cigarette against the ashtray beside her, looking down at him with exasperated fondness.

He absently brushed his knuckles over her naked waist. There was a growing ache in his chest as she continued to stare at him, and the urge to duck his head, to avert his own gaze was overwhelming. He knew that if Sun had noticed the expression on her own face, she wouldn’t have let her guard down this easily around him.

“Are you sure?” She asked.  _Are you sure of us?_  

He swallowed back the swell of anxiety at the back of his throat. For the first time in his life, he wanted to let go, to dive into the unknown, to damn the consequences.

“Ms Bak,” he whispered, letting his hand trailed up her arm to reach for her cheek. She closed her eyes briefly to lean into his hand, and the sight of her trust made his insides twisted. “I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t sure.”

His smile wobbled, and he felt like he was teetering on the edge. 

He was here because Sun Bak made everything quiet around him. He was here because she made him impulsive, to risk everything to fly to the other side of the world for a woman he hardly knows. He was here because he hasn’t dared to want anything of his own for years.  

“In fact,” his smile turned sly, lips quirking up at the side in a manner that Sun does  _not_ find endearing at all. Sometimes, he reminded her of an adorable puppy, eager to please and impress, but there was always a certain vulpine playfulness in the brief glimpses of his hazel eyes. If she’s not careful, she might be the one who’s going to lose her heart instead. “I might be a little too much for you to handle instead.”

Sun rolled her eyes and the tension was broken. 

She thought that he was joking, but he feared the day she realised he was too much and decided he was not worth her time after all. What can someone like him offer to her, who has the entire world in her head?

Gazing at her quiet smile, the smoke curling faintly around her fingers, the golden dust in the sunlight haloed around her dark hair like a crown, he decided that those fears could be addressed another day. 

He wanted this to himself, for just one quiet moment. 


	2. Chapter 2

Sun thought that she had Mun Kwon Ho pegged. 

He was clearly a hardworking detective, someone who pursued justice and refused to be swayed from the truth. He was also an infuriating flirt, she noticed in vexed annoyance, but she secretly liked it. She was fond of his fearlessness and charm, and while she was never a woman who enjoyed romance novels or wept at Korean dramas, she was touched that he had dropped everything in his life to fly to a foreign country. For her.

Foolish, but endearing. 

She shouldn’t be surprised that there were things about Mun Kwon Ho that could still surprise her. But she was pleasantly surprised, and a little concerned, when he suddenly broke away from their kiss one day, turning his face away from her in discomfort. 

“Sorry,” he murmured. “I don’t want to have sex right now.”

She blinked at him in mild surprise, but she wasn’t offended. He gave her a small, timid smile of relief as he swung his leg off her lap. 

She watched curiously as he fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, looking oddly vulnerable. 

 _Talk to him_ , Nomi urged gently, always the quiet voice of reason in her head. 

“What’s wrong?” She questioned. 

Kwon Ho looked at her silently, abruptly still. His face looked like marble, expressionless. She never thought that he could hide his emotions so well. 

“I don’t like to have sex sometimes.” He revealed. There was something scared in the way he said them, but his gaze never wavered from hers, not in the least bit ashamed. 

“Are you asexual?” She frowned, pulling the unfamiliar word from Nomi’s head. Her fellow sensate remained beside her, her solid presence reassuring and calm. 

“No, yes,” he bit his lip, unsure. But when he continued, it was clear that he has done his research before. “Not exactly. I just don’t feel like having sex sometimes. Not all the time.”

She slowly nodded in understanding. In her peripheral vision, Nomi was looking at Kwon Ho with quiet protectiveness. The man was one of theirs now. No matter if he had gotten together with Sun or not, he had nearly died to arrest her brother. He chose not to turn away from the truth, determined to catch the real culprit despite the consequences and they all loved him for it. The cluster was not going to let him go that easily now. 

Nomi glanced over, her visage brightening before she disappeared, back to her wife’s side, dozing lazily in a hotel at Italy. They were still honeymooning across Europe after the wedding, and the cluster was thriving off Nomi’s emotions for the past weeks. 

“Okay.” She said. 

Kwon Ho stared at her, and his uncertainty faded. 

“Do you want to watch a movie?” She asked. 

He smiled at her, bright and genuine, and she discovered something else she didn’t know about him. 

She thought she knew his smiles, crinkling the sides of his eyes, or his soft laughter against her lips when he kissed her. She didn’t know he could look this vulnerable, or lovely when he let his guard down. 

She hoped that it wouldn’t be the last. 


	3. Chapter 3

Kwon Ho has many plants.

The first time he brought her home, they were all she could see. Leafy plants with slithering vines curled around the handrail lined the stairs up to his second-floor apartment. There were flowers and succulents adorning his window sill; some were in jars, while the rest was potted in bowls and pails.

Her amazement and curiosity summoned almost half of her cluster, crowding in his tiny apartment. She felt a little claustrophobic, even though she knew that they weren’t really here.

“Wow!” Capheus cried, hovering over a particularly tall plant with pale blue blossoms.

Kwon Ho noticed her raised eyebrow.

“Plants are better than humans.” He said solemnly, without a hint of shame.

Wolfgang hummed in agreement beside her, and then he was gone in the next second. He wasn’t particularly a plant lover, has never seen the necessity or beauty in them, but he agreed with Kwon Ho.

Humans were trash.

“That’s not what he said.” Kala reprimanded.

Sun concurred with Wolfgang; plants in the house were nothing more than decorations to her. But she has a feeling that they weren’t just mere decorations to Kwon Ho. Even an amateur like her could see that these plants were lovingly raised and taken care of.

“You are not what I expect, Detective.” She grinned.

“I love to surprise you, Ms Bak.” Kwon Ho smirked, his eyes bright with amusement.

They both exchanged secretive looks, mirth tugging at the corner of their lips.

“Saps.” Nomi mocked, laughing as she dodged away from Sun’s half-hearted swing. Half of the cluster groaned at Nomi’s stupid pun.

“You are not as funny as you think you are.” Will said dryly.

Sun tore her gaze away from their childish bickering, and she nearly startled to see Kwon Ho in front of her. He was the only one who was capable of sneaking up to her, although there were a few times that her reflexes have given him a bruise or two. Fortunately, he has equally fast reflexes when her fist was swinging towards his face.

“Who are you talking to?” He asked, cornering her against his desk.

“Nomi.” She replied, distracted by his lips. It probably wasn’t even deliberate; biting his lip seemed to be a habit he has, but it was frustratingly tempting.

“Can I kiss you?” She blurted.

His answer was to lean forward, resting his hands against her waist. Her cluster swiftly left to give them privacy, giggling like idiots. Luckily for them, she was too distracted to bother giving them dirty looks.  

Later, curled around each other with their clothes discarded across the room, fresh with the scent of sex and flowers, Kwon Ho rested his chin on his palm and stared at her.

“You don’t have to ask for permission every time.” He said quietly.

One thing he liked about Sun was her exceptional ability to read his body language. He doesn’t know if she was simply perceptive all the time, or was it just him, but she always seemed to know when he was feeling uncomfortable.

They didn’t need words to understand each other. So, it was a little confusing whenever she had to ask.

“I want to.” Sun said bluntly, her eyes closed.

He studied her thick lashes, the pink flush in her cheeks as she slowly cooled down, and suddenly, inexplicably, he felt like crying. He doesn’t think he could love anyone as much as her.

He never believed in bullshit like soulmates or love at first sight, but then again sensates wasn’t supposed to exist either.

Just before she left his apartment, he gave her a little pot of cactus from his collection. It has a small bud at the top, not yet bloomed.

“Prickly and thorny, but soft inside.” He winked.

She gave him an irritated glare, but he thought she looked a little touched as she clung to the tiny pot possessively.


	4. Chapter 4

It’s the first day of Spring when Sun realised that she hadn’t seen Kwon Ho for three days. He hasn’t text or call for the last three days too. And she had been so busy with work that she didn’t even notice.

The trees outside her window has already started to bloom when she decided enough was enough.

Boram trotted happily beside her, the Jindo excited to finally be out and about. She felt a surge of guilt when she realised that it wasn’t only Kwon Ho that she has been neglecting.

She stopped at the foot of Kwon Ho’s stairs, suddenly apprehensive. Boram held no reservations, excited to see her second favourite human. Or third, depending on the day. It’s always a tie between Kwon Ho or Sun’s old martial arts instructor. But the more Kwon Ho spent time with her, the faster he seemed to be winning.

The dog was fond of the grouchy old man who had reluctantly taken her in while her owner was gone, but Kwon Ho had her love instantly. Sun doesn’t understand why, because for all that Boram was a friendly dog, she was not trusting of strangers either. But she had loved Kwon Ho since the day they met, and sometimes even favoured his attention over Sun’s.

“Boram, slow down!” She called half-heartedly, climbing the stairs after her dog.

The Jindo barked and scratched at the front door, the bell at her throat ringing.

For a second, Sun wondered if she should have called before coming, but then the door was swinging open.  

“...Sun- _ssi_?” Kwon Ho stared at her in surprise. He was already dressed, swathed in a dark blue hoodie, hands barely visible under the too long sleeves. Kwon Ho, she had come to notice, was rather susceptible to the cold, and has a bad habit of burrowing himself under her in bed during a chilly night.

“Are you going somewhere?” She asked.

He looked distracted, dark circles deep under his eyes. He looked like he had lost weight since she saw him, but the smile that adorned his face was no less warm as he scratched Boram affectionately behind her ear in greeting.

“I’m… I’m heading to the cemetery.” He said hesitantly, and that’s when she noticed the small bouquet of flowers in his other hand. “It’s my mother’s death anniversary.”

She barely hid the flinch of surprise, but she was shaken nonetheless. They were together for almost three months, and she didn’t even know Kwon Ho’s mother was dead. She felt Kala’s comforting hand on her shoulder, tempering her shame.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Kwon Ho was sharper than she expected, his gaze catching on the brief frown on her lips.

“It’s okay.” She said.

They stared at each other in awkward silence.

Kwon Ho looked exhausted. His dark brown eyes were blank, his shoulders drooping heavy under his hoodie. He couldn’t even muster up his customary smile for her; it looked far more a faint grimace than anything. It’s like he was tired of trying; it’s the first time she saw the real face behind the mask.

It unsettled her. She always knew that he was holding himself back with her, as if afraid that she would see something that she wouldn’t like. But Sun was made of sterner stuff; she’s not a woman who scare easily, and she wished she could make Kwon Ho understand that, but words were never her strong point and she doesn’t want to borrow any of her cluster’s words for this.

She couldn’t explain it, but Kwon Ho was not like her cluster. All seven of them were special to her, but Kwon Ho sat at a different place in her heart. Some days, she couldn’t help the surge of possessiveness over him, greedy to keep him to herself, away from her cluster. Thankfully, they weren’t offended, understanding her selfishness.

She had to fight her entire life for the things she wanted, and she wasn’t used to sharing.

“Do you want to come and visit her with me?” Kwon Ho asked, tentative and nervous. Boram, who always seemed exceptionally sensitive to Kwon Ho’s mood, started to lick his hand vigorously.

Kwon Ho’s lips twitched helplessly as he gazed down at the Jindo.

“Alright.” She said, trying to remain nonchalant.

* * *

With Riley and Kala’s subtle encouragement at the back of her head, she plucked up her courage to ask the question that has been niggling at her for the last three days.

“Are you alright?” She asked.

He looked away from the window, from where he was staring at the rain tracks. She saw him take a long minute to digest her question, looking confused.

“You haven’t called or texted for the last three days.” She clarified.

“Sometimes I like to be alone.” He said quietly, after deliberating for a long moment. “Sometimes I can’t stand to be around people.”

He shot her a quick, anxious glance after his confession, as if worried that she would be offended. She reached out and grasped his hand tightly in reassurance.

“I understand.” She murmured.

Tension left his shoulders, but his expression was still tight.

“We’re here.” He said abruptly. They both got off the bus, and Sun pulled out an umbrella from her bag.  
  
It was the same cemetery Sun’s mother was buried at, the first time they had kissed.

Kwon Ho’s mother was buried not far from Sun’s, and she quietly studied the faded photo on the tombstone.

She was a beautiful woman, with a wide smile and short, curly hair.

 _He has her eyes,_ Lito said softly beside her.

She kneeled down in front of the tombstone to scrutinize the photo further. Lito was right; they were eyes that even a faded photo could not hide. Bright and expressive, they could be both hard and soft, eyes that never wavered from the truth.

“Hello,” she greeted stiltedly. “My name is Sun, and I love your son.”

She felt awkward, unused to talking about her feelings out loud, and she didn’t notice the soft intake of breath from Kwon Ho behind her.

“I don’t know what sort of person you are and I only wish I could have the chance to meet you. But I know the person Kwon Ho- _ssi_ loves must be someone great.” She continued. “Your son is a good man, and he... he makes me happy. I could only hope I have made him happy too.”

“You do.” Kwon Ho said suddenly.

She blinked, startled, looking over her shoulder. He had come right up behind her, his wet hair plastered onto his forehead. The umbrella had fallen at the side, abandoned.

“You have made me the happiest in a long time, Sun- _ssi_.”

She couldn’t see his expression very clearly, squinting her eyes against the light drizzle, but she has never heard him sounded like that before. She was frozen on her knees, not daring to move.

“I never needed saving, and I don’t ever want to be saved.” Kwon Ho said. “But you make everything quiet in my head. You... made everything a little easier to live with.”

It’s not a love confession, but she didn’t need to hear it.

He’ll say it when he’s ready.

As she reached for his hand again, she could feel the heat of the sun shining at the nape of her neck as the clouds cleared and the drizzle started to lighten.

In her heart, she made a promise to Kwon Ho’s mother that she would love her son, for as long as she’s able, and that even if she’s no longer able to, she would protect him, even from himself.


End file.
